Wow

avantgaye:

kickassleslie:

here is a short list of how Ben and Jerry are actually the same person:

-easily flustered/startled
-married to hot blonde
-their wives are amazing and too good for them
-have three children
-actual human disasters
-bisexual

didn’t realize this was about the men from parks and rec and thought you were talking about the ice cream men

(via deepstarss)

weepingdildo:

I want a relationship that’s just like super cool friendship with like kissing

(Source: zechery, via spirit-monsters)

lbardugo:

phantity:

rumpelstiltskin-wait:

ellejello:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

powerhousearena:

When you’ve dedicated your life to words, it’s important to go out eloquently.

1. Ernest Hemingway: “Goodnight my kitten.” Spoken to his wife before he killed himself.
2. Jane Austen: “I want nothing but death.” In response to her sister, Cassandra, who was asking her if she wanted anything.
3. J.M Barrie: “I can’t sleep.”
   
4. L. Frank Baum: “Now I can cross the shifting sands.”
5. Edgar Allan Poe: “Lord help my poor soul.”
6. Thomas Hobbes: “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap into the dark,”
   
7. Alfred Jarry: “I am dying…please, bring me a toothpick.”
8. Hunter S. Thompson: “Relax — this won’t hurt.”
9. Henrik Ibsen: “On the contrary!”
10. Anton Chekhov: “I haven’t had champagne for a long time.”
11. Mark Twain: “Good bye. If we meet—” Spoken to his daughter Clara.
12. Louisa May Alcott: “Is it not meningitis?” Alcott did not have meningitis, though she believed it to be so. She died from mercury poison.
13. Jean Cocteau: “Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking towards me, without hurrying.”
14. Washington Irving: “I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already?”
15. Leo Tolstoy: “But the peasants…how do the peasants die?”
16. Hans Christian Andersen: “Don’t ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.”
17. Charles Dickens: “On the ground!” He suffered a stroke outside his home and was asking to be laid on the ground.
18. H.G. Wells: “Go away! I’m all right.” He didn’t know he was dying.
19. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “More light.”
20. W.C. Fields: “Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!” “Carlotta” was Carlotta Monti, actress and his mistress.
21. Voltaire: “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” When asked by a priest to renounce Satan.
22. Dylan Thomas: “I’ve had 18 straight whiskies…I think that’s the record.”
    
23. George Bernard Shaw: “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”
24. Henry David Thoreau: “Moose…Indian.”
25. James Joyce: “Does nobody understand?”

26. Oscar Wilde: “Either the wallpaper goes, or I do.”
27. Bob Hope: “Surprise me.” He was responding to his wife asking where he wanted to be buried.

reblogging because of Voltaire though

“Please, bring me a toothpick”

I’m quite disappointed that my absolute favourite has been missed off here:
28. Roald Dahl’s last words are commonly believed to be “you know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much!” which are the perfect last words. But, after he appeared to fall unconscious, a nurse injected him with morphine to ease his passing. His actual last words were a whispered “ow, fuck”

I’ve heard the Oscar Wilde one debunked, but if you haven’t read the story of Chekhov’s death well. I just love him.

(via spirit-monsters)